Monday, May 31, 2010
Remember, Remember.
For almost 234 years men and women of all races, creeds, national origins, and sexual, religious and political orientations have fought and died for the rights and freedoms the rest of us so often take for granted. On this day, let us give thanks for their sacrifice, and honor their memory.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Ok, I'm ready to talk about it.
I have ordered the soap bases (42 pounds worth). I ordered 5 more kinds of essential oils. 12 cans of dried goats milk, and three cans of dried buttermilk. 1,500 cards, and 100 magnets from Vistaprint. Decorative sheer organza bags in purple, green and gold. Dead sea salt and latch lid canning jars for exfoliants. The other day I picked up dried lavender and chamomile from a chinese herbalist, along with almond, jojoba and avacado oils. The only thing I am missing is labels. I still don't know if I am going to try and print them myself, or if I will go to a printer. Oh, and I also need to have a large sign made for display at the farmers' markets. Oh, and I need to pick up sales bags.
The other piece of the puzzle is the farmers' markets themselves - how do I forge that path, how much does it cost, do I need to own my own table, etc?
On the good money news front, I contacted my credit card company on Thursday and they are freezing my account due to the layoff - no interest and no payments due for up to 24 months. I also called and got a cheaper monthly rate for my car insurance.
On the bad, I found out that I STUPIDLY forgot to sign my unemployment form, so I have to wait another week for the check. Yeah, great time to do dumb things like that!
Dear readers and friends, please send some good vibes, prayers, wishes or whatever you've got my way, because I have placed myself on quite the tightrope. Many thanks in advance for your kind attention.
Jenn
The other piece of the puzzle is the farmers' markets themselves - how do I forge that path, how much does it cost, do I need to own my own table, etc?
On the good money news front, I contacted my credit card company on Thursday and they are freezing my account due to the layoff - no interest and no payments due for up to 24 months. I also called and got a cheaper monthly rate for my car insurance.
On the bad, I found out that I STUPIDLY forgot to sign my unemployment form, so I have to wait another week for the check. Yeah, great time to do dumb things like that!
Dear readers and friends, please send some good vibes, prayers, wishes or whatever you've got my way, because I have placed myself on quite the tightrope. Many thanks in advance for your kind attention.
Jenn
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Expenses.
I have just spent about 40% of all the money I have in the world on soap supplies, business cards, and the like.
I'm freaking out.
The end.
I'm freaking out.
The end.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Avatar
Chris and I watched Avatar tonight. I know, I KNOW we are the last two people on earth to watch it. I really enjoyed it, though at first I really wasn't giving over to it. The movie is so CG heavy that I was completely distracted for at least the first hour. When I finally settled in though, I really enjoyed myself and I loved the message.
I didn't bring the movie up to review it, however. There are people far better than I that do that for a living. What I want to talk about is the furor that occurred back when the movie was released. I recall reading and hearing about hordes of people lamenting, crying and even wanting to kill themselves due to their deep depression because they wished that Pandora and the Navi were real. Really? Seriously, folks? Hey, don't get me wrong, there are plenty of alternate realities that I have read about in books or seen in movies that I have dreadfully wanted to exist and wished that I could vacation there. But, sorry, Pandora DOES exist...it's called earth. The Navi DO exist...better known as native Americans and other indigenous cultures. The killing of the Navi and their animals, and the raping of their lands is exactly what has gone on practically since the beginning of time, and it is still happening as I type this.
Since we Americans use up roughly 24% of the world's resources, yet we only comprise 5% of the population, it is safe to assume that we are the ones who James Cameron was thinking of as he wrote his militaristic, money-grubbing bad guys. For those of us who pine over Pandora, yet ignore that we are party to destroying our own environment, it may be time to wake up and face a very serious reality.
I didn't bring the movie up to review it, however. There are people far better than I that do that for a living. What I want to talk about is the furor that occurred back when the movie was released. I recall reading and hearing about hordes of people lamenting, crying and even wanting to kill themselves due to their deep depression because they wished that Pandora and the Navi were real. Really? Seriously, folks? Hey, don't get me wrong, there are plenty of alternate realities that I have read about in books or seen in movies that I have dreadfully wanted to exist and wished that I could vacation there. But, sorry, Pandora DOES exist...it's called earth. The Navi DO exist...better known as native Americans and other indigenous cultures. The killing of the Navi and their animals, and the raping of their lands is exactly what has gone on practically since the beginning of time, and it is still happening as I type this.
Since we Americans use up roughly 24% of the world's resources, yet we only comprise 5% of the population, it is safe to assume that we are the ones who James Cameron was thinking of as he wrote his militaristic, money-grubbing bad guys. For those of us who pine over Pandora, yet ignore that we are party to destroying our own environment, it may be time to wake up and face a very serious reality.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Progress. Ok, a minute amount of progress...
So, here's a status update for the Jenn goals:
Live, Love, Alive (Organic Soaps and Candles): applied for the business tax ID. Applied for a DBA to reserve my "Live, Love, Alive" name in the city of L.A. Printed up the seller's application so that I can apply California taxes, which is quite involved so it is just in "print" status right now. ;) Spent $100 in a Chinese herbalist shop today for specialty oils and dried lavender and chamomile. Going to spend A LOT more than that tomorrow buying soap bases. Oy. Hopefully my unemployment monies don't completely run out! :ol I would LOVE to get down to the brass tacks of making some ever-lovin' soaps soon! On the plus side, I still have a $75 gift card from Michaels where I will purchase my soap wrappings. I can't buy the soap bases there as their prices are OUT OF CONTROL at three times the cost of http://www.candlewic.com/.
Doctor and thyroid issues: he agreed today that my prescribed armour meds were not high enough, which I could have told him withOUT the $153 blood test, considering I have gained about 10 MORE pounds in the last month. Like I need to get even FATTER. *sigh* Anyway, happy that he agreed, and we are not only raising the levels, but he is allowing me to order my meds from a company in Canada, where I can get them for considerably cheaper.
Working out and quitting smoking. Um. Let's not talk about that just yet. :/
Cutting overall expenses: I still need to contact Chase regarding my credit card. I have been paying, for years, for astronomical insurance that should cover me if I am laid off. Well, now I've been laid off, so they had best cover my butt. I need to also find cheaper car insurance, cheaper cell plans, and possibly cut cable out completely.
Acting: Well, I am going to do a short in a little over a week. I am ashamed of how I look, and I hate the idea of being on film. However, I am still as confident as ever in my acting abilities, and that has to count for something, right?
On the plus side, almost all of our TV shows are ending for the season (Fringe, American Idol), or forever (24), so I will have even more time to spend doing productive things rather than being a couch vegetable.
Finally, I want to clean every inch of this apartment. We have too much shite, too much clutter, and I cannot bear it anymore.
Huh. Just a few things there, right??!! ack! lol
Jenn
Live, Love, Alive (Organic Soaps and Candles): applied for the business tax ID. Applied for a DBA to reserve my "Live, Love, Alive" name in the city of L.A. Printed up the seller's application so that I can apply California taxes, which is quite involved so it is just in "print" status right now. ;) Spent $100 in a Chinese herbalist shop today for specialty oils and dried lavender and chamomile. Going to spend A LOT more than that tomorrow buying soap bases. Oy. Hopefully my unemployment monies don't completely run out! :ol I would LOVE to get down to the brass tacks of making some ever-lovin' soaps soon! On the plus side, I still have a $75 gift card from Michaels where I will purchase my soap wrappings. I can't buy the soap bases there as their prices are OUT OF CONTROL at three times the cost of http://www.candlewic.com/.
Doctor and thyroid issues: he agreed today that my prescribed armour meds were not high enough, which I could have told him withOUT the $153 blood test, considering I have gained about 10 MORE pounds in the last month. Like I need to get even FATTER. *sigh* Anyway, happy that he agreed, and we are not only raising the levels, but he is allowing me to order my meds from a company in Canada, where I can get them for considerably cheaper.
Working out and quitting smoking. Um. Let's not talk about that just yet. :/
Cutting overall expenses: I still need to contact Chase regarding my credit card. I have been paying, for years, for astronomical insurance that should cover me if I am laid off. Well, now I've been laid off, so they had best cover my butt. I need to also find cheaper car insurance, cheaper cell plans, and possibly cut cable out completely.
Acting: Well, I am going to do a short in a little over a week. I am ashamed of how I look, and I hate the idea of being on film. However, I am still as confident as ever in my acting abilities, and that has to count for something, right?
On the plus side, almost all of our TV shows are ending for the season (Fringe, American Idol), or forever (24), so I will have even more time to spend doing productive things rather than being a couch vegetable.
Finally, I want to clean every inch of this apartment. We have too much shite, too much clutter, and I cannot bear it anymore.
Huh. Just a few things there, right??!! ack! lol
Jenn
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
The Old Man by the River
I went down to the river to pick some rocks for my newly planted garden. I had planted parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme in honor of those nebbishly handsome singers I heard on the radio that one time. When I arrived at the river, I met a man. He was a bent and beaten old soul, with whiskers where his eyebrows should be, and what looked like an eyebrow right beneath his nose. "Jenn", he said. "Jenn, you were a beautiful queen once, weren't you?" Though I was taught firmly and with harsh judgment by my mother never to speak to strangers, I decided I liked the look of this man and gave him a straight answer. "Yes", I said, in my best, most haughty tone of voice. "What be it to you, old man?" "Be nothing to me but that I couldn't help but notice the rags. The ones on your feet.", he replied. I tried, and utterly failed, to shuffle my feet behind the nearest rock, but the damn thing barely rose above the smallest toe knuckle. So, instead, I stamped the ground with one raggy foot and huffed "I say again, what be it to you, you old, miserable thing?"
He stared at me for the longest of times, then whispered so soft I had to lean in close to hear. "Well, my dear", he said, "if you must know, at one time I was your closest companion. I was there when you entered this world, I was the one you whispered your dreams to in the darkest of nights, and I was also there the day you forgot my face and could no longer remember my name. Might you remember me now?"
I gaped, mouth open like a trout, and breathed. In and out, out and in. I did know this man, but t'was no man at all that stood before me, now was he? This was a specter, a phantom in man form, this was my very own spirit and soul that stooped before my eyes. I ran-walked to the nearest tree and threw myself behind it, if only to leave his unblinking gaze for a brief few moments. Blessed respite, that tree, as his eyes had been burning directly into mine until they liked to dry up and blow away in a green poof of dust.
Many hours passed until I had the courage to finally call out. "Are you still here?" I squeaked. His answer was immediate and firm. "I have never left", he declared. Another hour passed as the sun made her way across the horizon, and I found the will to ask yet another question. "A queen, you called me. A beautiful one. Do you have the answer as to why my feet are now bound by rags? Do you know what has happened to the magnificent castle I once called home, as I cannot remember much of that time at all".
His answer seeped into me, right through my skin, through my organs and into my bones. I heard him in my head as if I were the one speaking it, as if we were again one. He said "My beautiful Jenn, you cannot abandon your dreams, spirit and soul as you have without there being consequences. These things cannot be left behind lest you lose your way. Do you recall the visions you shared with me?"
"Yes, I think maybe...", I answered tentatively. "I can just perhaps see them through the murk, though they seem so very long ago, and far, far away."
"Hold tight", he said. "Shut your eyes, and hold tight to that fancy. Don't let it go now. I want you to sle..."
Sleep overtook me and I saw it all again, like it was when I was young and filled with the future. I danced, laughed, ran, and jumped. I climbed the very tree I was resting against and tickled the leaf of the top-most branch. My spirit did great leaps of joy, running beside me in the sand with the wind tearing wildly at our hair. I threw myself into the icy water and floated down the stream, remembering, remembering, remembering all that I had been and wished to be.
I awoke slowly and realized with no great surprise that I was wet from head to toe. I stretched out in the grass and let the warmth of the sun kiss away every droplet of water. Finally, I sat up and peeked out from behind the tree, to try and see the man that I knew was no longer there. In his stead, on a rock in the very place he had been standing, was the most beautiful red slippers I had ever seen. I slowly unwrapped the rags from my feet and, with great care and reverence, stepped into my new shoes. I wound my way back up the path to return to my modest little cabin, when I beheld an amazing sight. Just beyond my tiny hovel, a short walk down the road, towered a radiant castle. I began to laugh with the knowing; my new eyes were wide open and I could again see what lay before me in vivid color. I finally understood that it had been there all along.
He stared at me for the longest of times, then whispered so soft I had to lean in close to hear. "Well, my dear", he said, "if you must know, at one time I was your closest companion. I was there when you entered this world, I was the one you whispered your dreams to in the darkest of nights, and I was also there the day you forgot my face and could no longer remember my name. Might you remember me now?"
I gaped, mouth open like a trout, and breathed. In and out, out and in. I did know this man, but t'was no man at all that stood before me, now was he? This was a specter, a phantom in man form, this was my very own spirit and soul that stooped before my eyes. I ran-walked to the nearest tree and threw myself behind it, if only to leave his unblinking gaze for a brief few moments. Blessed respite, that tree, as his eyes had been burning directly into mine until they liked to dry up and blow away in a green poof of dust.
Many hours passed until I had the courage to finally call out. "Are you still here?" I squeaked. His answer was immediate and firm. "I have never left", he declared. Another hour passed as the sun made her way across the horizon, and I found the will to ask yet another question. "A queen, you called me. A beautiful one. Do you have the answer as to why my feet are now bound by rags? Do you know what has happened to the magnificent castle I once called home, as I cannot remember much of that time at all".
His answer seeped into me, right through my skin, through my organs and into my bones. I heard him in my head as if I were the one speaking it, as if we were again one. He said "My beautiful Jenn, you cannot abandon your dreams, spirit and soul as you have without there being consequences. These things cannot be left behind lest you lose your way. Do you recall the visions you shared with me?"
"Yes, I think maybe...", I answered tentatively. "I can just perhaps see them through the murk, though they seem so very long ago, and far, far away."
"Hold tight", he said. "Shut your eyes, and hold tight to that fancy. Don't let it go now. I want you to sle..."
Sleep overtook me and I saw it all again, like it was when I was young and filled with the future. I danced, laughed, ran, and jumped. I climbed the very tree I was resting against and tickled the leaf of the top-most branch. My spirit did great leaps of joy, running beside me in the sand with the wind tearing wildly at our hair. I threw myself into the icy water and floated down the stream, remembering, remembering, remembering all that I had been and wished to be.
I awoke slowly and realized with no great surprise that I was wet from head to toe. I stretched out in the grass and let the warmth of the sun kiss away every droplet of water. Finally, I sat up and peeked out from behind the tree, to try and see the man that I knew was no longer there. In his stead, on a rock in the very place he had been standing, was the most beautiful red slippers I had ever seen. I slowly unwrapped the rags from my feet and, with great care and reverence, stepped into my new shoes. I wound my way back up the path to return to my modest little cabin, when I beheld an amazing sight. Just beyond my tiny hovel, a short walk down the road, towered a radiant castle. I began to laugh with the knowing; my new eyes were wide open and I could again see what lay before me in vivid color. I finally understood that it had been there all along.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Well, well, well....
What in the world???!!! Where the hell have I been?
Well, let's see. First of all, I am a reeeeeally bad blogger. The whole idea is that you share what you're thinking, right? Yeah. Problem is, I haven't felt much like sharing. I have been trying to figure out my role in the world. I have definitely been struggling with a little depression and some foul moods. Poor Chris, is all I'll say about that. ;)
What I have been up to: sleeping, cooking fabulous meals, reading (mostly about soaps and candles), seeing the doctor once a week, getting into online arguments about politics (stupid thing to do, I know), lots of corporal cuddling with the Queen of Mean (Jada), playing video games (yes, I know I'm going to be 40 in less than a month - so?), and, most importantly, getting ready to start my own company making organic soaps and candles (named "Live, Love, Alive - natch!). I made my first official batch, called "Orange Oatmeal Creamsicle" and, I must say, it makes for a pretty darn nice bar of soap. Oh, and last weekend Chris and I went to a free taping of Bill Maher's show, and the next night we also saw the Tigers play at Dodger Stadium. Sweeeeeeet.
What I have not been doing: blogging (duh), working out, dieting, successfully quitting smoking, writing, or generally doing very many of the things that I set out to do when I decided to write this damn thing. So, this week is a time to get my shite back together. Starting this morning, I am setting the alarm again, getting up and getting going. After all, I have two very important things on my plate right now - starting a new company, and also making sure I'm healthy enough to handle it.
Wish me luck, please, I need it! Thanks Judy, for the encouragement. <3
Jenn
Well, let's see. First of all, I am a reeeeeally bad blogger. The whole idea is that you share what you're thinking, right? Yeah. Problem is, I haven't felt much like sharing. I have been trying to figure out my role in the world. I have definitely been struggling with a little depression and some foul moods. Poor Chris, is all I'll say about that. ;)
What I have been up to: sleeping, cooking fabulous meals, reading (mostly about soaps and candles), seeing the doctor once a week, getting into online arguments about politics (stupid thing to do, I know), lots of corporal cuddling with the Queen of Mean (Jada), playing video games (yes, I know I'm going to be 40 in less than a month - so?), and, most importantly, getting ready to start my own company making organic soaps and candles (named "Live, Love, Alive - natch!). I made my first official batch, called "Orange Oatmeal Creamsicle" and, I must say, it makes for a pretty darn nice bar of soap. Oh, and last weekend Chris and I went to a free taping of Bill Maher's show, and the next night we also saw the Tigers play at Dodger Stadium. Sweeeeeeet.
What I have not been doing: blogging (duh), working out, dieting, successfully quitting smoking, writing, or generally doing very many of the things that I set out to do when I decided to write this damn thing. So, this week is a time to get my shite back together. Starting this morning, I am setting the alarm again, getting up and getting going. After all, I have two very important things on my plate right now - starting a new company, and also making sure I'm healthy enough to handle it.
Wish me luck, please, I need it! Thanks Judy, for the encouragement. <3
Jenn
Thursday, May 6, 2010
I've been a bad blogger...
...however, I have been very good to myself. I quit smoking on Sunday. I have also been getting tons of rest as, after all, this is only my second week of "vacation" since Feb 2007. I decided to allow myself one week to rest and play, eat, laugh, sleep and putter, and next week I will be back on the job of figuring out my life. I include this blog in that scenario, as well.
Many thanks for your patience. :)
~Jenn
Many thanks for your patience. :)
~Jenn
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Tomorrow.
New road,
journey
beginnings
when the curtain
opens and
I'm not there.
I must
build
my own stage.
I'll buy the wood
nails
hang the lights.
When I
set the risers
and line the seats
Will you be there?
More
importantly,
Will I?
Let the sounds
of my soul
jangle
Like the
Edge
on a fret?
Must crack
open
my ribcage
Share my
beating heart
before it loses
the song.
journey
beginnings
when the curtain
opens and
I'm not there.
I must
build
my own stage.
I'll buy the wood
nails
hang the lights.
When I
set the risers
and line the seats
Will you be there?
More
importantly,
Will I?
Let the sounds
of my soul
jangle
Like the
Edge
on a fret?
Must crack
open
my ribcage
Share my
beating heart
before it loses
the song.
Wow. Relearning how to relax is hard.
Hi all. :)
Well, Thursday was my last day. It won't truly sink in that I'm not just on vacation for at least a few days. Thursday was the very definition of bittersweet. While I was tremendously relieved to finally put the stress behind me, I am also heartbroken to know that I won't be with my staff, faculty and students anymore.
In the meantime, Judy, you were so right. I have been so stressed, tense and strung out that I have absolutely no physical or emotional memory of what it means to relax. Since Thursday I've been a ball of tension trying to plan every little thing I need to do. Therefore, I am making myself wait to make any plans for at least a week. I even let myself take a nap today, and it was pretty wondrous. :)
~Jenn
Well, Thursday was my last day. It won't truly sink in that I'm not just on vacation for at least a few days. Thursday was the very definition of bittersweet. While I was tremendously relieved to finally put the stress behind me, I am also heartbroken to know that I won't be with my staff, faculty and students anymore.
In the meantime, Judy, you were so right. I have been so stressed, tense and strung out that I have absolutely no physical or emotional memory of what it means to relax. Since Thursday I've been a ball of tension trying to plan every little thing I need to do. Therefore, I am making myself wait to make any plans for at least a week. I even let myself take a nap today, and it was pretty wondrous. :)
~Jenn
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