I don't need to wait until later to post...

....that today has been a pretty crappy day.  Definitely some setbacks:

I received the colored sheer organza bags that I was going to sell the soap in.  They are adorable but, problem is, I unknowingly ordered the wrong size.  I wrote to the company and I'm waiting to hear back to see if they'll let me switch for larger bags.  I hope so, because I spent $60.  :(

I have been paid exactly one unemployment check, of less than $500, in the over 1 month since I was laid off.  I called them last Saturday and they were supposed to send a new claim form (to replace the one I had forgotten to sign), of which I still haven't received.  I called them again today, and I was told I just have to wait until it gets here.  I am so stressed about money right now, agggghhhhhh.

I had ordered $37 worth of what I thought was powdered goats milk.  It arrived today and, as it turns out, I ordered evaporated instead of powdered, which I can't use.  Luckily, I had ordered it from the wonderful, customer-service-oriented, Amazon.com, so they gave me a full refund and they don't even want the goats milk back.

I broke a glass in the sink.  Some of the shards went down into the disposal, and I cut the crap out of my fingers trying to dig it all out.

Do you see a pattern here?  My dumb azz is making mistakes right and left.  I am really displeased with my own performance right now.  I think I'll fire me.  :'(

Jenn

Long, busy day...

I'm exhausted, so here's a short recap:

Worked out, 31 minutes on the treadmill.

Worked out again by doing a deep, deep cleaning on the kitchen and "library".  Who knew your heart could race by washing the kitchen floor by hand?

Organized all of the soap supplies that have been trickling in.

Brushed the cat....another workout, trust me.

Made dinner. 

*fell over* 

Working out again, finally...

On Sunday I did Wii Fit for over an hour.  Today I was on the treadmill for 32 minutes.  It is amazing how moving your body results in an an almost immediate increase in energy, better mood, and overall feeling of well being.  May I remember this, even when I'm tired, even when I'm not seeing the immediate results I want, and even when I just don't feel like it.

On another note, allow me to marvel at the kindness of folks I have never even met.  In the last year I have received beautiful gifts from two very good on-line friends.  I feel blessed to have been shown such love, and I hope to be able to return the blessings that I have been given.  Thank you Brigetta and Kelsey.

Jenn

The Power of the Mind.

Chris and I watched a documentary on Clint Eastwood tonight - who turned 80 yesterday, by the by, and what more appropriate day for him to do so than on Memorial Day?  You can tell that the documentary was made very recently, as it even included his recent movie Invictus.  What struck both of us is how sharp he still is, both in mind and body.  It got us talking about why that is.  Why is Clint in so much better shape than many others who are 10, 20 or even 40 years younger?

My theory is that Clint seems fully present in the now.  When you hear him speak, he does not lament, he does not regret, he does not worry and stress.  He just is.  He accepts that everything has happened, and will happen, regardless of how much or little he tears himself up over it.  I'm not sure I have the capabilities to convey just how much I admire that in someone.  I, up until now, have been fully the opposite.  I regret decisions I made years ago.  I spend time wondering if, had I made better, more healthy choices in my life, could I have prevented my illnesses?  I ruminate for hours on what the future holds, and what I'm not doing right that may effect the outcome for ill.  I spend more time fretting about not working out than actually doing it.  I live most of my life in stress - about money, about family, and about what people think of me.  Chewing my nails down to nubs and smoking are two physical manifestations of the turmoil that is raging within me.

I fully believe that the mind is so powerful,  it can ultimately destroy you from the inside out if not kept in check.  I have no doubt that the sickness in my body has resulted from the sickness of my brain.  Though I have worked for years to quiet these inner demons, I realize I am not home yet.  I can only continue to try.

Happy belated, Clint, and thanks so much for so many years of wonderful entertainment!

Eckhart Tolle:

"Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry — all forms of fear — are cause by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence"

"When you are present, you can allow the mind to be as it is without getting entangled in it. The mind in itself is a wonderful tool. Dysfunction sets in when you seek your self in it and mistake it for who you are"

◦"The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive. To put it more accurately, it is not so much that you use your mind wrongly—you usually don't use it at all. It uses you."

◦"The psychological condition of fear is divorced from any concrete and true immediate danger. It comes in many forms: unease, worry, anxiety, nervousness, tension, dread, phobia, and so on. This kind of psychological fear is always of something that might happen, not of something that is happening now."

Remember, Remember.

For almost 234 years men and women of all races, creeds, national origins, and sexual, religious and political orientations have fought and died for the rights and freedoms the rest of us so often take for granted.  On this day, let us give thanks for their sacrifice, and honor their memory.

Ok, I'm ready to talk about it.

I have ordered the soap bases (42 pounds worth).  I ordered 5 more kinds of essential oils.  12 cans of dried goats milk, and three cans of dried buttermilk.  1,500 cards, and 100 magnets from Vistaprint.  Decorative sheer organza bags in purple, green and gold.  Dead sea salt and latch lid canning jars for exfoliants.  The other day I picked up dried lavender and chamomile from a chinese herbalist, along with almond, jojoba and avacado oils.  The only thing I am missing is labels.  I still don't know if I am going to try and print them myself, or if I will go to a printer.  Oh, and I also need to have a large sign made for display at the farmers' markets.  Oh, and I need to pick up sales bags. 

The other piece of the puzzle is the farmers' markets themselves - how do I forge that path, how much does it cost, do I need to own my own table, etc?

On the good money news front, I contacted my credit card company on Thursday and they are freezing my account due to the layoff - no interest and no payments due for up to 24 months.  I also called and got a cheaper monthly rate for my car insurance.

On the bad, I found out that I STUPIDLY forgot to sign my unemployment form, so I have to wait another week for the check.  Yeah, great time to do dumb things like that!

Dear readers and friends, please send some good vibes, prayers, wishes or whatever you've got my way, because I have placed myself on quite the tightrope.  Many thanks in advance for your kind attention. 

Jenn

Expenses.

I have just spent about 40% of all the money I have in the world on soap supplies, business cards, and the like.

I'm freaking out.

The end.