I spent three hours today cleaning and reorganizing my bedroom and closet. For four years now I have dressed dowdy and with as many covering layers as possible. All colors, heels, scarves, skirts, dresses and pretty much anything else that identified me as a female of the species was shunned and put away. The logic being that, if I fade into the woodwork enough, no one will notice the horrible changes happening to my physical person.
Here is the very real result of that mindset - you also fade away from yourself. When all of the self-identifiers get put away to the back of the closet, when you strip away your own individuality, you are left with a bland, mishmash of meaningless cotton that says absolutely nothing about the person wearing it.
I have decided that maybe that choice 4 years ago has only amplified and magnified a lack of interest in my own outer shell. Perhaps if I care a bit more about what I put on my person, and get back to expressing a little personality with my choices, I may also trip my way into caring more about my physical form.
Who knows if it'll work. At the very least, I'll get to wear some of my favorite scarves again, and that can't be all bad.
~Jenn
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