Pills.

Wow.  I realized tonight that I hadn't remembered to take my two most important pills since Saturday.  They are synthroid (the pill Chris calls the "stay alive pill") and zoloft (aka, the "stay happy pill"). 

I got a stern lecture from Chris about moving myself up the list of things that are important.  But, hey, that can't be all of it, because I certainly didn't forget to fart around on Facebook for the last two days.  I didn't forget to write and call my congressfolks all day yesterday.  I didn't forget to switch from channel to channel watching the health bill vote. When I was stressed at work tonight, I didn't forget to sneak in the damn cigarette I shouldn't be having.

No, it means something more than that.  It is symptomatic of a deeper issue, for the slovenly neglect I show myself has been going on for as long as I can remember.  It really boils down to this:  "Jenn, do you love yourself, or not?  Do you want to be around for awhile, or not?  If you are around, do you want it to be as pain free as possible, and worth being here for, or not?" 

Over the years I thought I had made a lot of inroads towards learning to love myself.  Then, something like this happens, and it reminds me that I have a long way to go.

~Jenn